you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
