Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
