My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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