Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
