Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
