she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
