when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize