I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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