I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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