i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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