weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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