i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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