is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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