I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
