I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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