I look better un-naked...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
