ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
