break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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