Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
