He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
