Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
