he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
