I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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