Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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