My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
