Kiss
Puke
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
