Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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