Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
