I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize