I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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