Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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