Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
