I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
