11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
