FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
