Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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