Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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