A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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