Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
