He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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