can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
