dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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