Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
