im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
