i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
