If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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