In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
