6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You may now shotgun with the bride
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
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