i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
