Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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