Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
