i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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