idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
