ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
where are my eyebrows?
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