someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
