Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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