Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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