I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Randomize
