3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wish you could order shots online.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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