I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
