I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
