my phone needs a breathalizer
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
