I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
