ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
3 2 1 whiskey
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
