We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
