Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
