cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
