She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
