i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
