You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
