Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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