Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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