Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
