is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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